Toilet humour

Just when you think you’ve turned the corner, and have dared to let out that lengthy sigh of relief before turning puce, you realise you’ve gone full circle.

The signs were there, we just weren’t paying any attention. In the last week, F has wet the bed twice, pee’d on a nursery teacher, piddled on a chair and not quite made it to the toilet several times. We should have known that it was only a matter of time before the dogs jumped in on the bandwagon.

So it was, whilst snoozing this morning,  D announced that the phantom poo-er (and wee-er) had struck again during the night; leaving an appreciative parcel behind the inward opening utility room door.

His parting shot as he left for work was ‘the tea towel in the sink is for the wash’. There’s nothing quite like it to get your attention in the morning. WHY?!  ‘Well there wasn’t any kitchen roll was there?’ OMG.

Being the only male in the house, his latest theory is that we’re in a weird female cycle and it’s making the kids and dogs incontinent. Perhaps its lunar, I’ll need to chart it and see what happens next month.

Needless to say the tea towel has been religated to the bin. Did he really think I would wash it and put it back in the basket with the others? Lets not go there.

Although, it is not the only towel to fall victim this week. Whilst cleaning the downstairs loo I couldn’t get away from the strong smell of urine even after the toilet had been scrubbed and the floor washed. My nose led me to the hand towel. YEUCH. The only plausible theory being that one of the girls (F) had had an accident and was trying to be helpful by cleaning it up. Perhaps the biggest cause for concern was that the towel was bone dry. God knows how long it had been like that. Personally, I avoid that loo like the plague; I know what goes on in there.

I can’t help but wonder when this will end. The dogs are 9 & 10, F is three and H is five this week; yet even she continues to shout at loud volume (usually when we’re eating) ‘WILL SOMEBODY WIPE MY BUM PLEASE!’ Cue selective deafness from us and even louder requests for help before someone gives in.

From an interiors point of view, I always find that the lowly cloakrooms gets totally overlooked or at the very best the most basic of styling; matching towels and handwash. Perhaps being the smallest room in the house, with the least time spent in them, they get forgotten in the grand scheme of things. Not me. Claokrooms are one of my favourite things to decorate and I have at least three new ‘looks’ lined up for when I tire of the current one.

I find the general consensus to be that with little, or no, natural light they should be neutral and light. No way. In my first ever flat we painted the entire room navy, then splatted it with white paint from small paint brushes to create a night sky – it was ace, although appreciate that without photos it sounds gastly.

Cloakrooms are the perfect space to have a bit of fun in and let your personality out.  Our current ‘loo’ has the famous Cole and Sons Tema e Variazoni Fornasetti wallpaper. When I first ordered it, I was adamant that I was going to draw on it glasses and moustaches in marker pen. But when it was finally hung, I lost my nerve; being left handed I have a tendancy to smudge what I have drawn and after several practice attempts I didn’t trust D to get it right. I will definately do it before we redecorate though.

I think houses should be as individual as the people living in them. Treating the loo as a gallery space for photos, books or art is a great way to inject some personality into them. If you are worried about painting the walls a bright colour, try painting the ceiling. Ours is currently a dark aubergine, but I have ideas for a lovely bronze colour and wouldn’t mind seeing what bright yellow looks like (I still haven’t found that ‘yellow’ thing I was hangering after in my ‘do as I say not as I do’ post.)

Below are a couple of examples of fab loos where imagination and personality shine through. Apologies for how many there are, I got carried away.

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